jammie's jarful

another world, another domain.

2007-02-28T00:17:00.000-08:00

Till Blogger learns to behave and let me log in when I feel like it, I will be blogging at www.jamdesigns.wordpress.com.

Ode to the Cassette Kahani.

2007-02-18T13:25:00.000-08:00

I remember those hours, when the grown-ups took their afternoon naps before the shaam ki chai, when all the kids would congregate near the small silver cassette player (a much coveted item in those days of 1985) and listen to the stories. Of magic dragons and shehzadas galore. Of the land far far away and the baadshah who ruled supreme. I can still hear the witch cackling away or the jinn granting wishes. The sound of the flying carpet. And then rushing to the kitchen to get a snack when the song played in the middle of the story (pausing was not allowed).

It was our special afternoon thing to do, crouching on the floor with our faces propped up in our hands, keeping the volume low, waiting in anticipation for the swell of music which meant something exciting was about to happen and then finally, the good-will-prevail-end of the story. Then of course, the reenactments would start. Roles woud be allotted. Who was the prince? Who would be the witch? Plots would get resolved and voices would start emerging.

Needless to say, I was always the witch. And I can still do that voice damn well.

write away the wednesday.

2007-01-15T21:56:00.000-08:00

Previously in moments of dire need and depression, words have always been my saviour. When work got tough, when friends got difficult and when things got unbearable, I reached out to my trusty journal (and sometimes blog) and vented freely. I have not really had issues with the fact that someday someone will read this (I have a friend who used to be paarnoid about this)- If someone one day finds something that I have written that you don't like, well, tough. That's me. We can't be nice all the time now, can we?

But lately words have failed me. Was it the largeness of changes happening all around? The fact that sometimes you need the actions to speak louder than words? Could it be there WERE no words? Was it that I no longer found life something to write about? Had I exhausted my quota of things to say and was now...wordless? Or maybe its the fact that there is so much in life right now, crammed to the edges, seeping out through the cracks, that words simply aren't doing justice to that? Or maybe I'm just waiting for the right words. Haan that's it, I think. I'm waiting for the right words.

blogword: secret

2006-11-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

secrets are fun, especially when only two people know.
but they are more fun when everyone knows that only those two people know.

possible shmossible

2006-11-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

They will keep saying it isn't possible
because it's their job to do so.

I will keep ignoring them
because it's my job to do so.

onwards henceforth

2006-11-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

In the recent weeks i have heard three very unusual observations about me- that I can be "almost aggressively optimistic", "too much of a horizontal thinker" and "have too strong a homing instinct".

After days of careful consideration, I have decided to simply accept them as high-end compliments and stop thinking about it.

2006-11-10T23:12:00.000-08:00

im sorry. i'll just stay here until it's ok.

mondays even now.

2006-11-05T20:57:00.000-08:00

some mondays
still
bring that feeling
in my stomach-
of going back to school
after summer vacations.
butterflies rampant
in my stomach,
a heavy anticipation
of the new term to come.

a miracle on 26th

2006-10-26T01:02:00.000-07:00

once upon a time
there was a little dream.
all its life it had only one wish-
to grow up to become reality.
the other little dreams made fun of him-
asking him why he didn’t want
to become a big dream
and be inspirational instead of
becoming something as harsh as reality.
The little dream didn’t care-
he was fascinated by the idea
of becoming reality one day
and he made up his mind to work extra hard.
as time went by, the little dream grew up,
learning the ways of reality.
He realized that to become reality,
and especially a reality that one liked being,
one must first be a big dream
because only people with big dreams can be real
in the truest sense of the word.

And that is how the dream
become a reality.

~happy birthday mano~loveyoujamillions~

pause. play!

2006-10-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

Usually when someone asks me what I do, there is this momentary pause before I answer- a pause only I am aware of. It's that slight hesitance that even years of working and teaching haven't resolved. That slight pause holds so much. The fear that one day I'll be found out- that I'm not really a designer or a teacher- that I have merely been lucky enough to bluff people so far. It also holds a slight unsurity as to whether I have even earned these titles or not. DoI design well? Does my teaching impact? The pause weighs heavy with these questions that only I can hear- maybe because the quest to be better is also mine alone.

It's only when I'm in the midst of the action, holding a crit in class, designing my heart out on something I truly enjoy, that all the pauses disappear, replaced with the passion of believing in what I do, that it makes some little change somewhere, and I realize that there's nothing else I would rather be doing in my life than teaching and designing.

blogthoughtoftheday

2006-10-18T18:24:00.000-07:00

Smack in the middle of life, when you are living it, breathing it, cursing it, loving it, it looks like such a mess. A random series of disconnected events that go on urging your life forward as if based solely on whirlwind- choices and spur-of-the-moment decisions you can't help but make in the thick of things, and you wonder if you will ever have control over what is your destiny.

But when you look back at the life you have lived, it looks like such a seamless plot- of things having happened according to some really well-planned Great Cosmic Agenda and somehow it's all...perfect. *Click. Click.*

2006-10-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

friday the 13th!!

stayin' alive

2006-10-08T18:07:00.001-07:00

CHAL is a network of non-profit organisations, and individuals committed
to serve the disabled by establishing remote rehab centres near their homes.

CHAL collaborates with professionally managed entities
to synergize resources, avoiding duplication and overlap.

CHAL’s first partners are Murshid Hospital & Health Care Centre and
Pakistan Institute of Prosthetic & Orthotic Sciences (PIPOS).

CHAL’s supporters include corporate entities, international donors, and philanthropists.
CHAL’s target is to raise Rs 100 million this year. We are at the halfway mark.

contact: chal.khi@gmail.com
visit http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/chal

If someone were to ask me what I did to commemorate the tragedy of October 8, I would have to say nothing. It was a Sunday. I woke up late, having had a long work week and I watched a movie with k before some friends came over for a very impromptu iftar plan.

I do however remember last year and how I felt for weeks, maybe months afterwards. Alive. Alert. In control. Galvanized into action. Filled with ideas. I remember going to the PAF base with anything I could find- to be a part of the help. I remember driving alongside other cars with people wearing that same expression of intent, of purpose. I remember the lines of motorcycles, cars, vans filled with whatever was within their means all congregating at locations to help. I remember the weeks afterwards spent setting up collections, loading vans and then moving onto longer term plans. I remember thinking to myself, Wow I'm a part of something here. That feeling of unity is one that I don't recall feeling ever before.

My mother used to tell us stories of the '71 war. Of how she and her friends, in their twenties were so caught up in the whole feeling of patriotism that they would have done anything for their country. That, at that moment, all that mattered was that in some way, they had a purpose. As aides, as helpers, as anything. They wanted to be a part of it in any way they could. I always listened to those stories, fascinated. Frankly speaking, it all sounded very novel-romantic. Very Danielle Steelsish. Wars. Commitment. Sacrifice. But in the safe cocoon of my reality today, it was hard to imagine feeling that incredibly passionately, to have reaction pulled out of your gut withhout a moment of thought. Until last year when, as October 8 went down in history, I felt something in us shift, awaken, rising to some call beyond that of mere duty. And that's all it took to make me realize that, when we need to be, we can be so alive.

2006-10-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

because i didn't
listen to that voice in my head,
i am in trouble again.

If i could, I really really would...

2006-09-27T18:17:00.000-07:00

...try to maintain something of the heightened awareness that follows when someone close to you passes away. It's like, suddenly, a light has been switched on inside you, bringing your choices and lifestyle into sharp focus; highlighting flaws, making you want to change them and emphasising priorities, making you want to enforce them. I would, if I could, want to remember that feeling of realizing, truly eye-openingly realizing, how blessedly lucky I am and how thankful I should be for all that have- friends, family, work, faith and health.

louder than words

2006-09-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

just when life is at its most verbose,
thought-wise
emotion-wise
action-wise
reaction-wise
existence wise and
life-wise

words absolutely fail me.

blogwordoftheday

2006-09-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

machus loves to ask,
"would you rather be happy or right?"

welll, these days, it would be right.
(happiness usually follows.)

changing the world is only a blog away.

2006-09-11T12:31:00.000-07:00

whether it's talking about the latest developments in the world,
or simply discussing a friend who we want to get married off ('coz he's really VERY nice)
or dreaming about european trips that should one day be taken,
or putting together ideas for blog conventions and wedensday words,
when 10 bloggers meet for breakfast and coffee on a saturday morning,
it's always a sign of good things ahead.

The Great Bloggers Meet up- Part II

2006-09-10T21:09:00.000-07:00

coming soon.

Tag- I 'm it. God I miss that game.

2006-09-09T05:44:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about the blogger meetup today.
I said I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE BLOGGER MEET UP TODAY!!!
I want to finish all the little projects I have started for myself soon.
I wish I could take a holiday to Europe with my friends RIGHT NOW.
I miss being at home at sehri times during ramzan.
I hear people crib and bitch and moan and complain all the time.
I wonder why - I mean isn't anything in their life worth it?
I regret some things I have said. Only some, mind you.
I am a believer. Die-hard type.
I dance in the room mostly when k's at the gym. And sometimes even when he is there :)
I sing out loud while driving.
I cry less than I sob. Know what I mean?
I am not answering this one. Sorry, couldn't really think of anything here.
I write pretty much all the time in my head and sometimes on paper.
I confuse people sometimes. On purpose.
I need chocolate everyday. I'm serious. I NEED it.
I should try to be more accepting/tolerant/calmer.
I finish everything on my plate. Good girl that I am. :)

saba tagged me into answering all these difficult questions about me.
I tag mars, moizza, meyum.

blogword of the week- end

2006-09-02T05:55:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a designer who had a mind of her own.
She believed she knew what she was talking about.
She believed she could change the word through better design.
She believed that despite the MBA's lurking out there trying to spoil things, there was a way to finally eventually make them see what GOOD design really was and what it could accomplish, if given a fair chance.

So she took out her gun and went and shot all of them.

The End.

citylife

2006-08-27T05:45:00.000-07:00

and the inspire award goes to...

2006-08-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

1. starry starry nights
2. best friends
3. good design
4. people who appreciate good design
5. words that make sense
6. life changes
7. deep, real love
8. great music
9. movenpick swiss chocolate
10. books, beautiful books
11. mama and abba
12. amazing handbags
13. tiny little details

2006-08-24T00:03:00.000-07:00

"Dreams, Mr Nyazi, are perfect ideals,
complete in themselves.
How can you impose on them
a constantly changing,
imperfect, incomplete reality?"

-Reading Lolita in Tehran

14 august, 2006

2006-08-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

2006-08-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

just how many times
do I have to tell you
the difference between
empty space

and

negative space?

negative space- look closely- feel- is filled with promises.
while empty space, you see, just exists-no purpose, no life, no point.

you are my negative space.
with you, anything is possible.

blogwordofthedayagain

2006-08-04T05:47:00.000-07:00

warm summer rain has such memories for me-
playing on daddo dadas 35/s walee chatt with naj and binny-
in the afternoons when the grown-ups slept-
trying not to jump too hard lest they hear us-
it was always august of course- holidays- time off-
splashing in the dips on the roof where the water would fill up-
doing our "mausam mastana" steps- childhood fun

going downstairs chilled to the warmth of the lounge
the grown-ups having tea and pakoras-
watching the rain through the huge window
watching the brown turn green and then brown again
freshly washed hair after playing in the rain-

rain always has such particular songs attached to it-
songs that change as i have changed-
all come flooding back to me-
rain makes me happysad.

blogwordoftheday

2006-08-02T22:03:00.000-07:00

despite it all-
the light going
the roads going
the traffic going

despite it all
going to the dogs,
i love
karachi
in the
rain-time.

me in my bubble-

2006-07-30T22:10:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, someone who is a friend of a friend added me on msn to "ask me a question". The I-need-your-take-on-something technique is one that I cannot resist. He exchanged a few necessary pleasantries and then asked what I thought of the Lebanon crisis- and the Hezbollah stance. Since this person is more or less a stranger, I doctored my vehement response (reserved for friends and people who shall not judge me) into something tamer- and replied in perhaps what is the usual indignation, about how sad the whole thing. How the world feels helpless. Banal response I realized, but why would I get into an intense discussion with someone random, right?

He snickered. Online. Dont ask how I know. He just did, and then he says, "Figured not much would penetrate into your artsy fartsy world of make believe." I could have had a million responses to him and his impression of my world- but I calmly decided that someone I have perhaps SEEN only once in my life is not worth it. That I will not let someone who barely knows me or my environment pass a comment on how I live my life and what issues I am concerned with. I just informed him that I don't think I want to continue a conversation with someone who has a brain the size of a pea with a vision to match and promptly blocked him.

So if we are not out there shouting about how much we care about Lebanon, we don't care? If we are not rioting, then the cartoons didn't bother us? If we don't stone KESC, we have no desire to change the society? If we buy fuel for the generator, then the misery of 12 lightless hours doesn't bother us? Someone who must have been wise once said that sometimes in times of trouble, pain and strife, the best thing one can do is not be part of the noise, but be part of the silence instead and go one living as honestly, truly and purely as you can. And in that silence pray for better times to come.

blogwordoftheday

2006-07-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

I don't believe people who say they are too busy-
I don't believe I understand people who say they have no time-
I don't even believe people who say they try hard-
If you truly truly want to do something...anything,
Not even fire-eating dragons will stand in your way.

Pre-Vacation Reminders To Myself.

2006-07-19T22:52:00.000-07:00

1. Leave all works worries behind physically- throw them out of the window if you must. You are not a bad person for abandoning work. You are merely a very exhausted person who needs this holiday to further go on with life sanely.

2. Don't stress about what will happen while you are away. If they muck up an artwork, then so be it. It was meant to be mucked. You are not responsible and you have to let go at some point.

3. Be selfish. Make it about yourself. Lounge lazily and indulge inhibitedly. Be wild. Be someone else. Be the other you. Anything really that adds a skip to your step again.

4. Go for some serious retail therapy. Sometimes even looking at stuff you might like to buy is therapeutic. Stare at it deeply and longingly. Perhaps k will buy it for you anyways.

5. Absorb the greens with your eyes. Soak them in before you get back to dusty ol karachi. Eat them up visually so that you are stocked well till the next holiday.

oh i wish.

2006-07-18T13:35:00.000-07:00

so many wishes.
so very little time.

travel traditions

2006-07-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite travel traditions is to take a middle-of-the-road picture wherever I go- the more dangerously exotically fun the place or the road, the better the impact of course. I am happy to say I have quite a few already- and on this trip I actually managed a middle of the railtracks moment also. Just haven't had a chance to upload it yet. Soon. Soon. This is in Kandy, at the Royal Botanical Gardens.

enough.

2006-07-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

all the forces
in the universe
conspire
together
in various ways
to inform you
when
enough
truly
is
enough.

a front seat of the best kind.

2006-07-01T04:23:00.000-07:00

sometimes|ineedto|remindme

2006-06-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

yesterday.

2006-06-26T00:47:00.000-07:00

2006-06-24T13:04:00.000-07:00

High up there on the list of "amazing gifts to get" is a book you've been wanting to read, with a handwritten message just for you. bliss.

300.

2006-06-21T08:06:00.000-07:00

p.s: the previous one was my 300th-both-blogs-combined-post.

two + 1

2006-06-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

Having been brought up by parents who strongly believed in individual personality development, the three of us have emerged from our cocoons to be very wilful, very opinionated and very decided women in our own right. We will (at times) listen to what the other has to say and (rarely) even decide they are right but more often than not, we know what we are talking about. Of course such absolutely formed personalities must and will clash, and over the years, World Wars have occurred with startling frequency in the Jam household. What has saved us, always, is the third person. Needless to say, we take turns being the third person. Clashes in opinions, feelings, decisions are always between two and then there's the one. The one that does not have a side. It is an unsaid rule that has prevented many a tearshed over the years.

Having evolved happily in our own skins, whenever we desire sisterly evil, we nopw take to wishing upon each other children like oursleves, because each of us is proudly aware of the intimate qualities in us that most irritate the other two. We wield this knowledge like the most powerful of curses, cackling in mad laughter as we imagine one sister writhing in the pain (and joy) of having to deal with someone like one of the others for the rest of their life. Muahahaha.

or something like it.

2006-06-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

the longer i stare at the word "magic", observing closely the combination of letters, the more weirdly magical it starts looking. kinda like life.

as long as we are together.

2006-06-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

"so i found out and the 10 pm flight is not going today,
we have an alternative though-
we can catch the 5:30am one."

"5:30AM?? which means we will need to be there
by 3am to get the discount thing!!"

"haan so what? it will be fun
as long as we are together."

voices on top.

2006-06-01T22:55:00.000-07:00

whenever we really ever try to make a change in the system we are supposedly an integral part of, you can hear the voices on top start to grumble. the new ideas don't suit them, you know and they would rather hear the voices underneath sound meek and subservient and utterly uninspired. Safer that way.

After all, inspiration, you see, is the devil.

my inspire-me word these days.

2006-05-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are days which just have certain words attached to it.
My word for this weekend is Superhero because these days, I feel like one.

blogword for the day

2006-05-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

When we were 8 and 9 respectively,
S and I promised to always sit next to each other in class.

When we were 11 and 12 and I moved away again,
A and I promised to write to each other every week.

When we were 14 and 15, and I moved back,
L and I promised we would always be best friends, even if we never met again.

When we are both 16 and life yawned out ahead of us,
another S and I promised to make it work.

When we were 18 and madly in love,
I and I promised to wait forever.

When we were 24 and 22 and so very grown up,
A and I promised to always love each other, no matter what.

When we were 28 and 26,
K and I promised to spend the rest of our lives together.

But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Robert Frost

by may.

2006-05-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

summer holidays have an entirely different, more
exalted status in life when you are a teacher.

2006-05-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

when freedom is speech...

2006-05-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

welcome back, blogspot!!

2006-04-29T02:29:00.000-07:00

Being part of any kind of sisterhood requires sacrifices. You are bound by some social law thingy to be there especially at time when others would rather not be there. From time to time your commitment is tested to the core. During a four hour sojourn at clifton photostat waiting for kAy's mini-thesis to get printed, to pass the time and effectively prevent myself from going insane, I wandered down to the stationery shop on the lower level to browse. (P.S: I love stationery shops especially ones stocked with a variety of pens) Anyhow, after spending a few minutes rummaging through pens and paper and examining a stapler or two, I chanced upon a 6 colour set of clay (plasticine in my childhood). Much to the amusement of the shop assistant, my much tired sister and my somewhat new husband, I kept myself constrcutively busy and them successfully enteratined with my rendition of "cute things to do with clay", encouraging audience participation by modelling the creations.

escape

2006-04-27T04:21:00.000-07:00

Today was fabulous day in the library.
I sat therereading, oblivious to the heat and bijli-goings, utterly lost in the wonder of words. Marvellously simple thoughts and ideas put into beautifully clear words with such depth that they just blew me away. So this excerpt I must share with the world.

"Why one writes is a question I can easily answer, having so often asked it myself. I believe one writes because one has to create a world in which one can live. I could not live in any of the worlds offered to me-the world of my parents, the world of war, the world of politics. I had to create a world of my own like a climate, a country, an atmosphere where I could breathe, reign and recreate myself when destroyed by living. That I believe is reason of every work of art. We also write to heighten our awareness of life. We write to lure, enchant, and to console others. We write to serenade. We write to taste life twice, once in the moment and once in retrospection. We write to be able to transcend our life, to reach beyond it. We write to teach ourselves to speak to others, to record the journey into the labyrinth. We write to expand our world when we feel strangled or restricted or lonely. If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing or sing in writing, then don't write, because our culture has no use for it."
- Anais Nin, from an essay titled "A New Woman"

build up.

2006-04-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

The Karachi Carnage.
The birthday thoughts.
The random mish mash of life.
Piling work.
My design ideas.
Reading.
Plans.
Changes.
Holiday.
Clothes.
Home stuff.

I can't believe April is on its latter leg.
Didn't this year *just* start?
It seems to me that once life sets moving in a particular momentum, to try to slow it down can only result in trouble. In effect, things keep getting piled ontop of one another. Things you want to do. Things you want to do something ABOUT. Things you want to think. And before you know it the lower layers start gathering dust and the upper layers start becoming lower layers as more stuff comes up. Conclusion: we will always be working on a backlog.

meeting names.

2006-04-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

someone I know once asked me why bloggers have other names.
Why do we use words other than our names to depict who we are?
Rather harsh in his judgement, he asked what we all are trying to pretend to be and why we have to divulge personal thoughts and details of our lives under pseudonyms and nicknames to the whole world. I tried explaining that more often than not, it has nothing to do with blurry anonymity because we mostly know who each one is and we write for various reasons but his decided lack of comprehension explained something that i knew all along- you can't explain the blog world to someone who is not open to the idea.

So despite the evil forces of the universe not understanding this new way of shrinking our planet and encouraging some semblance of creative thought, this saturday at espresso, the blog world of nicknames came out alive as names got faces and faces got personalities in a meetup I cannot really do justice by writing about it- suffice to say, you just had to be there.

View from Across

2006-04-04T07:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we took out an indian visitor to dinner at Nawab, after having been tipped off by a Hindu friend that they serve the best tawa vegetables there. After an excellent meal, we drove him to saddar for some kulfi. The entire evening was peppered with India-Pakistan comments and subtle comparisons from his recent visit to Lahore and my own visit to Mumbai last year.

I told him how much I liked the idea of developing small industries like they had and he loved the way junaid jamshed clothes have sequins within the work; he commented on how different the colour palette at Khaddi was from the FabIndia woven clothes while I talked about how good the double decker buses ads worked there. He marvelled the idea of a place like One potato, Two Potato and fell in love with the masala mayo fries. He wanted Ahmed ka achar to take back home and a cookbook on Pakistani dishes. I distinctly remember thinking that no one can cook vegetables like the Indians can. His shopping list included Hashmi Surma (of which he bought a whole sheaf for his wife)and I thought back to how we had gone all over the place looking for bindis and kurtis. As we drove across Saddar, he casually mentioned how impressed he was with how clean Karachi was and I almost laughed out loud, after recalling how we had gone on and on about how advanced the civic sense of Mumbai was.

All it takes is someone from across the border to love what you have on your side :)

Something About Saturdays

2006-03-25T02:43:00.000-08:00

4 pm and the day seems warm and slow like treacle (i have always wanted to use this analogy- read it somewhere and stored it up). i spent the late morning at astra picking up groceries and ran into kookie and latest family addition having burgers there. k made it home in time for lunch so we had a nice lazy lunch with mummy- watching tv and chatting. sometimes routine represents the very best life has to offer. now as the afternoon melts into the evening, k is off to the gym and i will go walk a bit- and get ready for an evening to meet up with hussy and sam and the others. something about saturdays is so reassuring, letting you know that the world CAN slow down sufficiently on certain days to allow us to enjoy the little things we like doing so much at our own pace without needing to be anywhere immediately.

10 days of Catu in Our Lives

2006-03-21T11:28:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly, even though we both have had cats before, Catu makes us sneeze and wheeze...so with heavy hearts we decided he should go to one of our friends. Life, however, seems to have other plans because 10 days later, allergies aside, he is still here. Firmly entrenched. In our house and hearts. And it looks like it might just stay that way. He's a kook, crazy and demanding and SO SOO adorable that even k, whose eyes have been persistently watering (allergy-wise), can't resist hugging and playing with him. This tiny tot has a way of making you smile, especially when he comes hopping towards the door as we walk in, rarin' to show us how much we were missed during the day.

and catu makes three!!

2006-03-12T02:59:00.000-08:00

k surprised me today with a kitty cat to call our own. at a mere 6 weeks, he already shows signs of developing into quite a personality. the name game is on and suggestions pouring in from coffee to macchiato to borget (persian for cat) to socks. i think we will let him grow a name in the next few days but so far i seem to be calling him cattu the most.

banned.

2006-03-06T02:41:00.000-08:00

i hate the blogger ban- just when we thought we were finally getting somewhere.
what is this going to achieve? other than irritated people who will find alternate means of getting their word across.

and just when we thought we were actually moving ahead.

spring scribbles.

2006-02-26T01:59:00.000-08:00

a saturday trip to gadani
with a hundred college kids
a busful of songs
a gorgeous cloudy day,
emerald green waters
the awe-inspiring rocky caves
and scribbles in my head

doing what I do

2006-02-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

In a social setting somewhere random, Someone asked me what I do.
"umm I'm a designer" I mumbled- not quite sure if I should link a longer line with it to explain exactly what I design. Predictably the next question was, "So what kind of clothes do you design?"
Sigh. "Well it's like brochures and logos and all" I try to sound excited but end up sounding irritated. I hate myself for making something I'm so passionate about sound as lame as past-time on the computer.
"I conceptualize ideas for products and campaigns- and then see the applications through" Great. Now I sound like I have no idea what I do, except use long words to sound important.

I struggle almost every time I'm asked this question not because I don't know the answer but because I have yet to find the words which do justice to what I actually do. I look at things we all see everyday, and use them to grow as a person. Too pseudo. I actually design for agencies on a contract basis. Ugh. Too limiting. I believe that design is all not something that I can confine to the boundaries of human definitions. Aaaargh. Too philosophical. I search in vain for words which will encompass the excitement and thrill I feel in my work. Can words really ever make up for feeling?

"so what do you do?"
"jee I'm a teacher."
"oh how nice beta. What do you teach?"
"umm design."
"oh what kind of clothes do you design?"

siiiiiigh.

just browsing.

2006-02-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

Nothing makes me tingle in anticipation more than having a stack of unread books on my bedside table. After a dinner at Nando's tonight, with just the right people, the four of us went to Liberty to browse (i think it's almost a calling in my life). By the way, for anyone who doesn't know,"browse" in jammie-speak, means a definite "buy".

And suddenly, a few books later, my Sunday looks brilliant.

The Perfect Valen(tiny) Gift

2006-02-14T11:48:00.000-08:00

what a day to arrive three weeks early on!
lots of love and kisses to big cuz's li'l one,
maha. one thing I must warn you about this family
is that you will be smothered in attention.
All the time. Good luck kiddo.

St. Valentines Day 1996.

2006-02-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

feb 14, 1996: hopeful hearts club in IVS, foundation year.

feb 14, 2006: give or take 6 husbands collectively, 4 or 5 odd children in total, a few marvellous careers, a couple of major life changing moves, a masters here or there, a design house, some heartbreak, lots of love, laughter and many years of wonderful, wonderful friends.

what's not to celebrate?

The Never-ending Story

2006-02-07T12:08:00.000-08:00

Msn-ing with hussy all the way in the Phillipines about love, work and loving work, she said something that got me thinking about what work, to us, actually means. When do we, as designers, take on projects and when, as weary designers, do we lose heart in it? The thing about our work is that it has no boundaries. Where do you stop calling something design? When the page layout is done? Or when the idea has taken seed? Or when the plant is providing shade? Does the design of something ever really end? Or not? On some very clear level, it imbues its spirit into the management and suddenly you aren't only designing design, but designing lives instead.

Exhausting innit?

So many times after having agreed to "paper" terms in a project, where I draw up figures and deadlines and do's and dont's for myself and my client, suddenly I find myself working way way overtime. Not in actual minutes and seconds of time alone, but in my head and my soul. It's no longer a project but a part of who I one day plan to be. It's a designers curse called "Inextricabli-tis", in which the main symptoms are that you and your work are intrinsic in nature. One cannot be separated from the other because where you end and the work begins is vague. Very, very vague.
Design for people like us was never meant to be just a profession. It was meant to be a full fledged life and as we graduated those millions of 6 years ago, I don't think I knew that I was afflicted because it didn’t show back then. But now, now it's stark raving obvious.

2006-02-01T04:20:00.000-08:00

so the last post had a title AND a small write-up which blogger ate up.
we had a cousins trip to the beach over the weekend.
in my dad's side of the family, everyone big on together stuff. always have been. very vocal about family ties and all that. all of us cousins are a couple of years apart in age and while that used to be a BIG deal about 10 years ago, now we have all settled into a much more mellow age restriction rule; hence group outings are more chaotic, more fun. And with time, way more rare.
in the pics below, you see me and my sis with mo, the underground hero of the family.
beach outings, in their madness and fun, fire my imagination with the never ending possibilities of pic-taking. the situation was ripe too, with what the matching t-shirts (by mistake, i promise) and mo in black. Mo-trix ishtyle, you know.

2006-01-31T10:23:00.000-08:00

romancing the book.

2006-01-26T10:55:00.000-08:00

Armed with a debit card in Liberty Books is my nightmare- one that I indulge myself in every few days. It was bad enough that the ATm was close by at Park Towers but now that they accept the debit card in the shop itslef, I have physically keep myself from picking up random (and specific) books off the shelf in excitement over the fresh, newly printed covers which beckon to me whispering "buy meee, buy meee."

K does his best to veer me away from Liberty (he is under strict orders of course), but somehow a smiel from me, wheedling at first insistent soon after, and I find myself in book heaven. How can someone NOT spend hours looking at book titles, browsing through new ones and simply rereading favourite paragraphs from old ones while standing right there? It's like there is someone tangible force alive in there. Maybe they put drugs in their books.

Most happy with my buy today, which i didn't even feel with a quick swipe of my debit card (i don't believe in credit cards yet), I'm writing right now prolonging the anticipation till I get my time alone with My New Book. The excitement shimmers thourhg me, as I look ahead to several hours of gratification and blocking out the world, when it will finally be just the two of us.

winter chai

2006-01-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

garam garam chai ka mug in the cold cold winter air,
sitting outdoors watching People
Laugh,
Talk,
Walk,
Play
and to be in
no rush
to be anywhere particular
anytime soon.

for god's sake, grow up.

2006-01-10T04:50:00.000-08:00

Allow Events to Change You:
You have to be willing to grow.
Growth is different from something that happens to you.
You produce it. You live it.
The prerequisites for growth:
the openness to experience events
and the willingness to be changed by them.
—Bruce Mau, designer

flipping the override switch

2006-01-08T03:28:00.000-08:00

it builds up gradually, this sense of having "had enough".
circumstances, people, words all stack up as the patience level falls and your emotional intelligence gives way. most of the time i prefer to believe that i am an evolving indivdual who perceives each situation in isolation, judging what im required to do as a result of clear thinking and some emotional weightage but lately i have come to realize that the more you believe in personal growth, the more people around you tend to expect you to "always understand". i am fast coming to the conclusion that "living" life does not always involve being removed enough from a situaion to be able to do what's best for all concerned and feeling superior to a confrontation. sometimes it requires you to be in the hotseat, making decisions that might hurt, making calls that might be risky and in essence taking a side that might bring about some kind of change. a submerged living, where you want to teeter on the brink of 2 takes is sometimes the most cowardly kind of existence, one that shows that you don't actually have a stance at all. and personally, at 28, that kind of living is simply not good enough.

ringing in the new

2006-01-01T11:20:00.000-08:00

somebody wise once said that even the most mundane of things turn out seeming special by the presence of one important person. so i will consider myself lucky to have rung in 2006 surrounded by not one but several people who are very very important in my life. when you bring it down to the basics, isn't that what life is really about? happy new year everyone. may 2006 be special for all of us.

The Mannat Tree

2005-12-27T02:27:00.000-08:00

A knotted, vibrant, colourful testament of hopes and wishes at the Mazaar of Shah Abdul Latif Bhitai drew me to it. It was so mesmerizing to know there was a story with each knot, someone, somewhere appealing to a Higher Power to make something happen. It makes you feel small in the course of the universe as all other knots come into focus and threaten to make you actually see things in perspective. And count your lucky stars.

my friends, my socks

2005-12-20T21:29:00.000-08:00

Just like I have my friends, people who make me comfortable and bring out the best in me, I also have my socks, pieces of clothing that add comfort in my life and bring out new sides to me with their colour, design and sheer fun.

a day away

2005-12-18T21:08:00.000-08:00

finding sanctuary in
friends,
in a massage,
in the quiet music
and in my own thoughts.

2005-12-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

Blogging is a pain these days because of my internet connection. I have lots to say but not enough time or patienece to keep trying to say it.

To Dada, with love

2005-12-10T05:27:00.000-08:00

I remember when we were small, living abroad, Dada was a larger-than-life figure for us. We always heard of talks and speeches and the various literrary milestones he achieved in correlation with Pakistan. So much so that my younger sister used to tell people that "Dada was the king Pakistan." We drew him to be an important, busy man, someone who would always be too busy doing important busy things. We loved him, as we knew we must, and we looked forward to visits, but they were always tinged with a sense of awe which made him someone who was to be looked at and admired but not touched.

Funny thing about life is, that by the time you really get around to appreciating it in the fullest sense of the word, it's usually too late, which is why the time you can capture becomes all the more precious, all the more important.
Hearing Dada address the IVS graduating batch 2005 today was something I will never forget. I think of him not as the "great literary giant" as thariani sahab put it, or the daunting figure of my childhood years, but simply as my grandfather, Dada, who I have gotten to know as a real person in the last 15 years. I will remember him as someone with whom I have a very strange, gruff bond, of intelligent arguments and major differences and great great respect. I will remember him as someone who beleived in my ability to make decisions, who encouraged my verbal wars with him with much glee.

Today, as we heard him sing "jeevay jeevay" at the IVS, our second home in so many ways, I was again reminded sharply of the fact that life is so short and the people to love so many.

5 words that sound like what they mean.

2005-12-04T14:29:00.001-08:00

1. zsa zsa zsu
2. ostentatious
3. ooomph
4. luscious
5. snooty

UGH.

2005-11-30T22:23:00.000-08:00

i think graphic design is one of the most frustrating careers to be in because, if you are a good one, you can simply never get uninvolved and just leave it. From the day I graduated I have been advised on the merits of letting a project go, of not getting too attached to the end product and finding comfort in the fact that yes, I did my best. But what good is my best if it only extended to an idea and not the practical application of it? What good are words if they just hang in the air, not bringing with them at most a revolutionary change and at least a slight widening of the eyes?
Sometimes I wish I was a graphic designer with the sensibility of a fine artist, so I could design for myself and not have to worry about target audiences and corporate hoo haa. So I could design for the sake of design and people would appreciate it for the sake of appreciation. Just because it's graphic doesnt mean its devoid of a process or an intelligent thought behind it. You'd be suprrised if you looked at some good designer's work carefully. The amount of soul dredgery put into a regular body of an annual or CSR report is enough to bring tears into someone's eyes.
So what if design is not seen here at the grand scale of life altering ? So what if design is just "something pretty"? A good designer (and yes i use this term very very specifically) knows otherwise and amidst the curses and anger, feels proud of herself.

monday blues on sundays

2005-11-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

i love my sunday and i hate it when all the charm of a sunday vanishes, as the sinking realization sets in that you have a hellish work week ahead.

life of design

2005-11-24T03:36:00.000-08:00

A lot of what is happening in my life inevitably gets translated into the design I'm involved with, so much so that it becomes hard to see it come to an end. There's always a funny knot in my stomach at the culmination of a much loved project; it's like saying farewell to a close friend, until something else comes along, which has you shouting deliriously, "On with the new!!"

blank.

2005-11-21T23:40:00.000-08:00

buying birthday gifts for people you actually care about is the most difficult thing in the world.

just ONE word

2005-11-15T12:57:00.000-08:00

There is this forward going around these days which you are required to send to people who know you (or so they think) and in just ONE word, they have to describe you. So, despite being a non-fwd person, out of sheer curiousity, I did the needful. And some of the results,especially form people who have know me a good 10-15 years now, really made me wonder...

Some words I got back were "rare", "expressive", "magical", "organized", "tricky" and "the eldest". I am still waiting to hear from the others.

curse of the last minute.

2005-11-13T21:13:00.000-08:00

no matter how hard i try to time manage, i always end up doing my best work the night before it's due.

early morning crossword

2005-11-13T04:03:00.000-08:00

For some 45 minutes on last Friday morning, with a miraculous hour free to myself, I found myself ensconced in a corner of Espresso, with my favourite dawn crossword, a mochacino and a bagel with cream cheese, feeling much like a character in some book in a place not a part of my reality these days.

art for a cause!

2005-11-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

no client pressure to put in blues where we want reds,
no mental blocks to come up with taglines that rhyme,
no fear of whether it will be accepted or rejected,
this one's simply about artists, designers, thinkers, writers, doing what they do best, to put in their drop into the bucket.

continuing the line of thought and action from mars' blog, it's time to draw, design, paint, visually write, print-make, scribble, illustrate, and create for a cause.

more information will be available as details are worked out. suggestions are extremely welcome.

taoo.

2005-11-01T03:44:00.000-08:00

on some level, every single day, each one of us is trying to fight some injustice in some system that governs our daily life. it might not be of value to others immediately or directly but it contributes to an overall sense of struggle towards what we call a life lived more passionately, more awarely, more drunkenly and simply more.

Chauvinistic Chocolate.

2005-10-29T03:48:00.000-07:00

when k picked these up at Astra today, the female in me roared with disapproval at the same moment the designer in me burst into applause, at an idea which i personally think will have novelty appeal to thousands of inflated egos across the world.

24/7

2005-10-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

all im doing these days is staying abreast on the earthquake news, praying for faith and strength for everyone and watching 24 with k whenever we get a 45 minute slot free in the day.

when the going gets tough...

2005-10-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

Driving down any road in Karachi is like a lesson in belief and faith right now. There are so many collection camps and drives happening right now, in literally in every gully, every phase, every corner shop and school. Oh believe you me I am not wearing my usual rose tinted glasses this time round. I know they could be scams, I know they could be fake and I know they may not be worthy of being trusted...but my god, Karachi I'm so proud of you.
Every company, every institution, every group and every individual, young or old, has purpose on their faces right now. there is a spring in the step- our country needs us. There is some strength in our backbone- our country needs us. there's a sparkle in our eyes- our country needs us. We might not be able to change the numbers of people who have died but in some way, in any way we are responding to the call of help by shrugging away the apathy that grips us as nation. We are alive, by god, we are finally alive!

Calling Karachi All Over the World.

2005-10-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

To all the hardened cynics out there in the world who are sitting there pointing fingers at President M for not doing anything and generally bewailing the fate of Pakistan, you forget that the people...the passionate, spirited people are still there, and most of us are doing our best to contribute with anything which is in our means, by either man power, donations, volunteer efforts or simply duas. We will not be choosy at this time about who can give what and why. Lets just have some faith please...and focus on what we need to do.

saba has a comprehensive list on her blog for donations to Earthquake Relief Funds.

a pop quiz

2005-10-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

remember those times when that teacher would walk in and announce a pop quiz out of the blue and immediately, everyone in class, no matter how diverse and varied, would somehow band together as one, exchanging despairing yet supportive glances, trying to draw a collective strength in order to face something we were not at all prepared for?

it's pop quiz time in paksitan and we need to band together.
Help Pakistan
Karachi Collects

teachers have it easy.

2005-10-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

every day as a teacher all i do is laugh, lecture, sympathize, empathize, explain, suffer, learn, preach, realize, argue, fight, compromise, philosophize, minimalize, maximize, calm, agitate, motivate, teach, get attached, feel removed, become cold, become inspirational, lose perspective, gain respect, get humiliated, feel rewarded, do not earn enough money, get more than enough compensation, make mistakes, shout exasperatedly, ignore purposely, appreciate wholeheartedly and realize deeply and be the best that i can for that moment. all in a days work.

i live in karachi, not denial.

2005-10-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

these times these days
people trash this place you see
and call it oh-so-vile,
my glasses are rose tinted,
my view a bit askew...
i live in bliss de-nile.

long live karachi.

city of yellow lights and new underpasses.

2005-10-02T14:39:00.000-07:00

very early morning driving in karachi is quite quite a high. its quiet, serene, almost magical the way the streets are bathed in the deep golden light. there is the anticipation of the new morning, the darkness very comforting in strange sense of the word. im a great fan of the drive to the airport at this time of the night/morning so k and i felt quite excited to be picking up aaf today. i feel it echoes endless possibilities...and especially tonight, when the underpass beckoned, all new and shiny. people of karachi, new road mubarak.

meyumali

2005-09-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

dreamers.
laughers.
teachers.
sharers.
cryers.
ignorers.
bitchers.
supporters.
discussers.
demanders.
gigglers.
breakfasters.
travellers.

happy birthday to an all-in-one kinda friend.

karachi by design

2005-09-18T22:46:00.000-07:00

meyum and my class this week is evolving into a design study of karachi-
of the little signs and nuances that this mad, mad, mad, mad city of ours is all about. im going seraching in the nooks and crannies of details that please, inspire, allow magic, charm, amuse, disgust and amaze me. i am going to be looking at the city with a brand new pair of eyes, ones that hopefully less jaded and more sparkly. ones that see the changes that have occurred as opposed to the stagnancy that has prevailed.

moody karachi

2005-09-15T01:49:00.000-07:00

one of the most difficult things to deal with it is when your city gets moody. everyones moods plummet as people battle waves of hot all day long, hoping for relief and breathers in the famous cool karachi evenings. the heat hangs over the horizon and she is not in a good mood, angrily huffing and puffing stale warm gusts of air at us all. everyones slowed down, perspiring and tired, impatiently waiting for her to feel better and getting rather tired of this unnecessary moodswing.

tagged!

2005-09-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

huma tagged me...so here goes.

5 years ago: i had just graduated and bought my first car, the foxy!

1 year ago: i had absolutely NO idea i would be married by this time!

5 songs i know all the words to: umm...pehla nasha, that thing you do, sway, khwab, kajra re. (there are lots more, i promise)

5 snacks i enjoy: salt and vinegar pringles, doritos, chocolate wafers, candy biscuits, aloo ke pakoray (with chutney)

5 things I'd do with a million dollars: buy k a CL55 AMG (its a car), travel the world, buy my own place in the polynesian islands and all the books ive ever lusted after.

5 places i would run away to: my mama's house, bali, anywhere in europe, mumbai, the beach.

5 things i would never wear: drainpipe jeans, ummm a miniskirt (i dont have the knees), 5 inch high pencil heels, cant think of anything else yet.

5 favourite TV shows: sex and the city, friends, dharma and greg, that 70's show...i am really behind in this regard...

5 greatest joys: rain, falling asleep in my mama's lap, fighting with my sisters, driving/travelling on my own, a good cup of tea and time spent with k.

5 favourite toys: my laptop (yaay), my digital camera, the blocks set (my sisters would remember this), my cindy (barbie wasnt really famous back then) and the go-go scooter.

im tagging meyum, kat, cheesoo, mars, kookie and kAy!

wash away the bluessss

2005-09-10T00:45:00.000-07:00

sometimes all karachi needs after the long hot summer, mad traffic, construction, dust, strikes, and fluctuating political weather is a good clean shower to make everything come out in its true colours again.

tugging at the heartstrings

2005-09-09T04:42:00.000-07:00

anyone who doesn't love some kind of animal has never really looked deep into its eyes. i think i read that in Enid Blytons, Mr Galliano's Circus, many years ago and looking at this little dude, it just came back to me.

memoirs of a travelling designer

2005-09-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

ive always felt that travelling is wow, even if you go to isloo and pesh for day-long workshops, but what truly makes a trip magical is when you have a friend you connect with on all sorts of random and specific levels. in short, kat and and i had a blast.

the way the lights twisted upwards in the peshawar pc chandeliers reminded me of burning candles. i love details.

lift pics hold a special place for me especially if the lift is gorgeous and the people high on their surroundings.

Add a leaf to an otherwise ordinary traffic light motia ka necklace and suddenly you have a designer piece on your hands. sigh. i really DO love details.

through the jaal, i see peshawar, with new eyes. i want to go back.

jammie's jarful

another world, another domain.

Ode to the Cassette Kahani.

write away the wednesday.

blogword: secret

possible shmossible

onwards henceforth

mondays even now.

a miracle on 26th

pause. play!

blogthoughtoftheday

stayin' alive

If i could, I really really would...

louder than words

blogwordoftheday

changing the world is only a blog away.

The Great Bloggers Meet up- Part II

Tag- I 'm it. God I miss that game.

blogword of the week- end

citylife

and the *inspire* award goes to...

14 august, 2006

blogwordofthedayagain

blogwordoftheday

me in my bubble-

blogwordoftheday

Pre-Vacation Reminders To Myself.

oh i wish.

travel traditions

enough.

a front seat of the best kind.

sometimes|ineedto|remindme

yesterday.

300.

two + 1

or something like it.

as long as we are together.

voices on top.

my inspire-me word these days.

blogword for the day

by may.

when freedom is speech...

escape

build up.

meeting names.

View from Across

Something About Saturdays

10 days of Catu in Our Lives

and catu makes three!!

banned.

spring scribbles.

doing what I do

just browsing.

The Perfect Valen(tiny) Gift

St. Valentines Day 1996.

The Never-ending Story

romancing the book.

winter chai

for god's sake, grow up.

flipping the override switch

ringing in the new

The Mannat Tree

my friends, my socks

a day away

To Dada, with love

5 words that sound like what they mean.

UGH.

monday blues on sundays

life of design

blank.

just ONE word

curse of the last minute.

early morning crossword

art for a cause!

taoo.

Chauvinistic Chocolate.

24/7

when the going gets tough...

Calling Karachi All Over the World.

a pop quiz

and the inspire award goes to...

tugging at the heartstrings