jammie's jarful

Last Year This Time, This Time Next Year.

i started playing this game with myself some years ago. i would suddenly one random day try to think back as to exactly what situation in life i was in a year ago today. And then i would try to imagine how different next year this time would be in my life. there was a point in life when i wrote every single day in detail. i would write about what i wore, how it made me feel, what impact someone one comment had on my day, who said what to me. oh yes, i had a log of my life in painfully excruciating detail. sometimes when i read back,  i actually find myself wincing at the whims and fancies on which i have lived my life. and at other time i find myself laughing at the sheer variety of experience ive managed to capture in my daily ramblings to myself and God.  but over time the quantity of the writing decreased and i would like to believe the qulaity increased as i became more selective in who and what even deserved a mention in what i wrote. nevertheless, i still play my game. to keep remembering how far i have really come.  last year this time, i was burnt out. work was crazy. summer was not just summer-like and there wasnt a hint of magic on the horizon. i was emotionally and physically exhausted from my project deadlines, from my cousins second wedding, which took place amidst intense drama (but happy ending eventually) and from the sheer routine i felt myself falling prey to helplessly. i had no idea my life was about to take a twisting turn. looking back i can see myself, harassed and tired, thinking that august will herald more work as the school semester would start and i would go back to teacher mode. i can see myself tired. i can see myself ready to just keep bobbing along in the sea of work id surrounded myself in. i can see myself teetering on the edge of a collapse. little did i know last time this year that the second half of the 2003 would turn out to be a small miracle. little did i know that in store for me was the adventure of a lifetime. an 8-week journey that would begin some of the biggest changes in myself.   But now looking back, i smile. i smile at my short sightedness at that time, so unhappy or so content in my "now" moments. i smile as i remember how unsuspectingly i was doddering around, when the chance of a lifetime landed in my lap... and now today as i sit and write this blog, i smile and realize that this time next year, when i  look back, i will have even more to smile about.

posted by jammie @ 2:19 AM