Sunday, October 22, 2006

pause. play!

Usually when someone asks me what I do, there is this momentary pause before I answer- a pause only I am aware of. It's that slight hesitance that even years of working and teaching haven't resolved. That slight pause holds so much. The fear that one day I'll be found out- that I'm not really a designer or a teacher- that I have merely been lucky enough to bluff people so far. It also holds a slight unsurity as to whether I have even earned these titles or not. DoI design well? Does my teaching impact? The pause weighs heavy with these questions that only I can hear- maybe because the quest to be better is also mine alone.

It's only when I'm in the midst of the action, holding a crit in class, designing my heart out on something I truly enjoy, that all the pauses disappear, replaced with the passion of believing in what I do, that it makes some little change somewhere, and I realize that there's nothing else I would rather be doing in my life than teaching and designing.

8 Comments:

At 2:38 PM, Blogger X --- said...

If you love what you do, you will do it with all your heart and soul. Only when you have spread out your heart and soul in the way of what you love, will you achieve the satisfaction and goods peace that you deserve. Pauses become irrelevant, design becomes divine and lectures flow like streams, straight from the heart.

Designing and teaching it is i guess :)

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Princissia said...

hey, i hope the pause wouldnt come this time.. tell me wat do u design?! n where do u teach?!

 
At 5:23 AM, Blogger X --- said...

hey jammie...
just linked you to my blog....hope thats cool...

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger xxx~Jammie~xxx said...

hey there thats really deep wat you said wow... is your name really jammie mine is thats kool...

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger jammie said...

x- totally cool to be linked :)
princissa- somethings are not blog conversations :)

and jammie- im the original jammie :)heheheh

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Princissia said...

Eid Mubarak:) Jammie & the wifey:)

 
At 5:20 AM, Blogger The Prophecy said...

When your heart truly is in some thing, that is probably when you truly have that moment of doubt, because you don't want to ever know or think you were not in it with your heart and your full potential.

This kind of doubt, which research has found to be present in many creative persons (you're not alone!:)), is the true mark of NOT being apathetic. Of being truly involved. Of fearing any moment when the heart is not there. Of love.

And it's just a step short of that blissful state when nothing matters.

 
At 5:22 AM, Blogger The Prophecy said...

In time, that blissful state comes, they say. When it comes to stay, one does need the action to feel that we truly are there. It is that time when we know, we truly have arrived.

 

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